5 back to school tips to support grieving children

Mary Beaven, Community Outreach and Bereavement Liaison
Mary Washington Grief Support Services

The transition back to school is difficult for many students. For those who are grieving it can be especially challenging. The start of the school year brings new friends and teachers who may not know that the student has experienced a loss. Friends may ask about a child’s family make-up, which can be stressful if an immediate family member has died.

Similarly, classes often do “All About Me” projects, which may feel sad or overwhelming as they navigate how to speak about their loss. Additionally, starting a new routine can be a reminder of the person who is missing, especially when the person who died lived in the home. Entering a new grade reminds the grieving child that time is moving forward, and their special person is not there to witness it.

The good news is that there are ways to support a grieving child during this transition.

Here are 5 tips for caregivers and school personnel:

1. Acknowledge that this transition may be challenging.

Putting words to a child’s unspoken fears can alleviate some of the anxiety. When the adult initiates the conversation, it gives the child permission to share when they are ready.

2. Provide opportunities for the child to express feelings.

Many children feel more comfortable expressing themselves through writing or drawing rather than face to face conversation. Ask the child to write or draw you a picture about starting the new school year and then have them share it with you.

3. Listen without trying to fix.

Children feel cared for when they feel listened to. Try repeating back what the child has said and validating their emotions. This may sound something like, “You really miss Daddy and you wish he could still pick you up after school. It makes sense that you feel sad about that. I feel sad too. I’m here to listen anytime you want to talk about him.”

4. Allow the child to bring a memorial object to school.

Some examples are a sweatshirt, hat, necklace, or stuffed animal. This continued connection with the deceased person is helpful in making the transition to school. The big caveat to this one is that the object could easily be lost or broken at school. For some kids or environments, bringing a picture of the item may make more sense. Alternatively, the child could bring the item to school and keep it on the teacher’s desk where they can see it, but it would not be easily lost or broken during the day.

5. Continue checking in. Remember, this is not a one-time conversation.

The child will continue to have new challenges and experiences throughout the year that impact their grief journey. Plan frequent check-ins with the child about how they are doing and their feelings during this transition. It is most helpful when caregivers and school staff work together consistently to support the child.